A place in my heart
by Talulasaurus
Summary: Lucy 'Quinn' Fabray Can no longer cope with her emotions. This is what happens when she lets it all go. One shot. Character death.


One shot.

Disclaimer: Glee is not my creation. The same goes for the characters within.

Warning: character death.

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><p>I'd taken to taking risks. At this particular moment I was standing on the side of a bridge, the other side of the railings, on the sliver of pavement overhanging. It felt nice only my heels touching the ground, my hands holding the edge of the railings were the only thing keeping myself suspended. I knew one of two things would happen, one being that my hands would slip, either I'd get startled or my fingers wouldn't have enough strength to hold on any longer. This would result in my plummeting into the icy water, either drowning or dying on impact with the shallow river's bed. Or two I'd grow tiresome of the watching the beautiful river and surrounding scenery or the winds repetitive whipping of my face, resulting in my climbing back over the railing and walking home. I'd always thought dying in a river would be a beautiful death, like Ophelia in Hamlet. My name was Lucy Quinn Fabray, this was not the moment I died but I wouldn't have minded it all ending there, having a future was not a question. At least dying there I would be able to tell the world that I had met the love of my life and had a beautiful baby girl. Unfortunately these were the motivations for my death, Rachel Berry and Beth. Blaming these people would have been heinous so instead I blame myself, hate myself. You see, I don't care about my life anymore.<p>

Rachel doesn't know that I love her, how could she? I regret hurting her time and time again but that was before I realised why I was doing it. What a primitive playground thing to do, hiding behind hate. I love her. She reminded me too much of Lucy, her naivety, purity. But at the same time she's was a star, so perfect, so beautiful and passionate. I can't stand being in the same room as her anymore, it breaks my heart to even lay my eyes on that angelic face knowing she'll never be mine. It kills me every time I listen to her amazing voice, her effortless songs. She'll never be mine and I don't think I can cope with that fact anymore.

Every night's the same; I'd get out my pyjamas, undress and look in the mirror. In the mirror I'd see my stretch marks, I've taken to thinking of them as my marks from my body being torn away from my baby, I can't shake that thought. I would put my bed clothes on ignoring the stinging sensation in my eyes. Wash my face. Crawl into my bed and let my face be washed for a second time, by my tears. Embrace the feeling of my heart being clenched by a cold fist because somehow that was the only thing that made me know it was real, that I really had held by baby in my arms. I'd think about how my baby was in the arms of stranger, thinking that the stranger is her mother; torturing myself. Eventually I'd fall asleep. I would class it as a successful night if I didn't let out a strained scream during my sobbing, or if I didn't wake up in a cold sweat from my nightmares about Beth. Usually as a toddler in the park with a stranger; running over to hug my baby I'd take her away from the stranger, but Beth would always cry to the stranger "Mummy, mummy help me a strangers trying to take me away." Because in reality I'm the stranger now aren't I?

Puck, you love Rachel too. I know you do, stop lying to yourself and take her in your arms; away from that Oath Finn. He will find someone else, someone who he will love enough so that he doesn't feel it necessary to break their heart repeatedly. You are the only person who understands what it was like to give away our baby, to love Rachel Berry so much that it physically hurts. You're stronger than me Puck you'll make it through the hurt of our loss.

Goodbye Puck.

Puck put down the letter, his eyes streaming. He had read it at least twice a day since they discovered Quinn's body. Today was the morning of her funeral, time to say goodbye. He folded the letter carefully, placed a kiss upon it and put it in the box. He had memorised it anyway so it didn't even matter that he was putting it away in his attic, he just couldn't let himself read it every day, and break down every day, there was too much temptation. He thought back to how he had found it in her pocket. He had been the first to find her and for some reason he felt like he knew he should take the small folded piece of paper from her fragile crumpled body that was lying on the choir room floor. She had died from an overdose of paracetamol. He couldn't imagine a more painful death than the torture she had put herself through, from the thoughts that had been enveloping her. After the paramedics had taken her body away he had sat in the room alone, he had read the suicide note and cried harder than ever before. Rachel Berry had come in and held him. After a long time they got up and in doing so noticed a music sheet on the floor, Rachel being well, Rachel, had picked it up not wanting anyone to step on it because the thought of someone stepping on music was a bit much to bear given her already fragile state. They had discovered that it was entitled 'If I die young', and came to the realisation that Quinn had sung it before she had passed away.

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><p>A crowd of black figures had begun to gather in the small church, tears being shared, regrets being felt. Once the crowd of mourners had settled in the pews, the doors opened once more, a new set of people began walking in, faces soaked in tears; filling the room with beautiful harmony's.<p>

_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a, bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river, at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

For once Puck's vocals over shadowed the rest of the Glee clubs, putting his very being into the words.

_Uh oh, uh oh_

This is where Santana's voice first broke, feeling the pain course through her veins. Wishing she could go back to their first audition for Glee, back to the strength of their friendship.

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother_

_She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colours, oh and_

_Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, _

_No ain't even grey, but she buries her baby_

Quinn's mother let her tears flow freely, for once not caring about her appearance. She glanced over at her ex-husband and pitied him, regretted that she had ever bowed down to him.

_The sharp knife of a short life, _

_Well I've had just enough time_

Rachel stepped sideways pressing herself against Puck, feeling as though without that pressure she would physically fall apart. She wished she had tried harder to show Quinn that she cared.

_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

Sam kept his eyes forward, fighting his tears. Wishing he had fought for her, kept her.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had just enough time_

_And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom_

_I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger,_

_I've never known the lovin' of a man_

_But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand,_

_There's a boy here in town who says he'll love me forever,_

_Who would have thought forever could be severed by_

Finn watched from behind at Rachel and Puck's embrace, he didn't even feel a pang of jealousy. He realised too late that he only loved Quinn.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well,_

_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_

_What I never did is done_

Brittany reached out and held Santana's shaking hand, she held it tight knowing that there was no time to hide her love for the girl, knowing that she could die tomorrow so she should really embrace her love.

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar_

_They're worth so much more after I'm a goner_

_And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'_

_Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'_

Mike and Tina held each other's hands, standing in unity; both feeling the loss, breathing it in.

_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

Mercedes's, Kurt and Artie walked together, all regretting not extending their relationships with Quinn; tears dripping down the sorrowful faces.

_Uh oh (uh, oh)_

_The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)_

_Go with peace and love_

_Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket_

_Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh_

The group had walked around to their places in the pews and they sat; Puck physically needing the support of the bench beneath him.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had just enough time_

Rachel and Kurt stayed standing and took the last sentence together.

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls._

The end.

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><p>The song 'if I die young' is from The Band Perry.<p>

Sorry for the depressing story; I promise I'll write some fluff soon.

Also I would really appreciate any feedback…


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